I LOVE to travel, and I don’t just mean on occasion to some beautiful tropical island a couple of times a year or across the pond from time to time to enjoy an extended European holiday. Despite where I may be headed, and trust me, I’ve been to some doozies in my time ….who knew Podunk, Michigan is an actual city?!?!….it does not matter, when I say that I LOVE to travel, I mean I LOVE the whole process of it; packing up all my liquids into little squeeze bottles, finding new and inventive ways of fitting just “one more” pair of shoes into my carryon luggage, trying to break world records of being the fastest through the security process, rushing through terminals on a bumpy tram to catch that connecting flight, dinner at the bar watching the local team’s game on, meeting people from every walk of life and the random conversations that ensue….I could go on forever! Lucky for me, being in and out of airports has recently become a fun adventure in my weekly, if not almost daily, life. That being said, I propose that there be a few very serious changes made for those who travel.
Regardless if it is for business or leisure, I am pretty sure everyone could benefit from my self- proclaimed brilliant new ideas for mandatory laws required if one chooses to take to the friendly skies:
1.) First and foremost, forget the bombs that are supposedly easily hidden in our shoes which make it mandatory to step all over disgusting, sticky germ ridden floors in bare feet; the ability to bring any hot foods containing onions, peppers, sauerkraut and at least 12 different varieties of cheese, or any other highly odiferous food s into a metal tube with circulated air is CRIMINAL. Furthermore, anyone who proceeds to make this offense and then allows said food to sit on their laps for 2 hours of a 2.5 hour flight, only to finally eat it right before landing, thus reigniting the stink bomb, should be immediately discharged from the plane, despite altitude.
2.) Every person, man, woman and child, upon entering the plane, should be issued no less than 6 Tic-Tacs, 2 Altoids or 1 piece of standard spearmint gum. The ratio of personal physical space is already drastically skewed in any class of the plane, breathable space should not be…..especially because it never fails that the worst offenders of oral hygiene are also the most vocal about their life story for all 176 minutes of the flight.
3.) Finally, someone please explain to me why airport restroom stalls swing in toward the toilet, rather than set up to swing out? When trying to relieve yourself after enduring the stomach turning combination of Ground Zero of Hot Stinky Food Bomb and Dirty Mouth Man, is it too much to ask to have a convenient way to enter and exit the stall? There is already just barely more room in there than in your coach class seat, trying to enter and exit with the FAA approved standard carry-on and personal item ends up requiring the agility of a Cirque-du-Soleil performer.
….hmmmm, now that I am thinking about it, maybe LOVE is a little too strong of a word….
ellethree 